Research from John Gottman’s lab suggests the average couple waits six years from when problems start to when they seek help. By then, patterns have hardened. Smaller fixes don’t work anymore.
Signs it’s time
- You’re having the same argument on repeat
- Conversations about real topics feel impossible
- One or both of you has started to feel like a roommate
- An event has happened that you don’t know how to get past
- You’re considering separation but haven’t told anyone
Misconceptions worth correcting
“Couples therapy is only for couples about to break up.” Not true. Some of the most useful work happens with couples who are basically okay and want to be better.
“The therapist will take sides.”A trained couples therapist won’t. The relationship is the client, not either of you individually.
“If we needed therapy, we’d be failing.”The couples who do this work are not failing. They’re paying attention.
What a first session looks like
Both partners present. About 75 minutes. We’ll ask each of you to briefly say what brought you in and what you’d want different. Then we’ll talk about whether we’re a good fit and what a plan might look like. Reach out to ask.